Is Your Relationship Worth Fighting For?
In most relationships at some stage we reach a point where we wonder whether it is worth fighting for. The daily grind of trying to keep it all together begins to wear us down, the fights escalate, and the distance between us grows. We become overwhelmed by the seeming enormity of the task to reconcile our differences that we begin to think it might be easier just to cut and run.
However before you do I would like you to consider things very carefully. I am a big believer in the power of couples to revive their relationships so long as they make the decision to work together to create a better relationship. Because the truth is it’s rarely your partner (or even yourself) that is the problem, it’s the patterns of behaviour that you get stuck in that are the true enemy in your relationship.
Some of the common issues couples face, which can lead to resentment and disconnection include:
- Either a lack of communication, or different communication styles
- Disempowering beliefs
- Not respecting your partner’s highest values
- Not speaking your partners love language
- A lack of awareness of how your past has shaped your current behaviours (and your partner’s)
- Not understanding the differing needs of men and women in regards to sex and intimacy
Once these patterns are identified and new patterns implemented, things can change dramatically. Sometimes it can be a difference in just one of these areas that causes a rift between the two of you, however over time it permeates through your entire relationship. Making some simple changes can subsequently create a profound improvement in your relationship.
Today, statistics show that close to 50% of all marriages fail, however the rate of failure of second marriages is around 70%, and third marriages is closer to 80%. Are some people just unlucky in love? I don’t think so. The reality is that people do not learn the lessons from their first marriage, and take the same patterns of behaviour into their subsequent marriages. Learning and understanding why your current relationship is struggling is the key to creating that magical relationship that we all desire.
There are, however, times where you really do need to consider ending your relationship. These include:
- When your partner is physically or verbally abusive and refuses to get help
- When you have what I term ‘non-negotiable differences’, such as one partner wanting children and the other not, and
- When you are disillusioned and you have tried repeatedly to get your partner to come with you to see someone to help work on your relationship, but they refuse to do it
It is vitally important that your partner respects your desire to work on your relationship. If they refuse repeatedly then it is time to give them an ultimatum. Your relationship is something that should be giving you joy, not pain, so it is your absolute right to request that your partner work with you on it. And funnily enough, often it is when you tell them that you have had enough and you are actually leaving the relationship that your partner finally will seek out the help that you’ve wanted all along!
If your relationship is not providing you with the fulfillment and passion that you need, then perhaps it’s time to do something about it. Relationship coaching is a highly effective way to get your relationship back on track and give you the tools to continue to grow and flourish together. So don’t just give up or put up, instead fight for the relationship that you truly deserve. It will absolutely be worth it!